Monday, February 9, 2009

Jealousy.


Jeal-ous
-adjective
feeling of resentment against someone because of that person's rivalry, success, or advantages.

I'm not usually a jealous person. But sometimes, the evil green monster gets ahold of me. But then it gets me to thinking, why are we jealous? When I say jealous, I'm not usually talking about being jealous because of someone's success. It's hard for me to feel any sort of resentment to one who has worked hard to obtain a goal that they have had, even if I may have had to same goal in mind.

No.

The time of jealousy that usually gets me is with guys. I don't know why it happens. If you're dating someone, obviously they want to be with you, not some other girl. On the flip side, I often find it annoying and dumb when a guy gets jealous over someone who is clearly a friend. It sounds like a double standard...I know.

So, it got me thinking....If I have a friend that is just a friend...why can't I accept the same for someone else? Is it trust issues? Is it the fact that I feel threatened because of someone else?

I did date a guy once, for a long time, and I what I learned from the 3 year relationship is not to be so selfish. It's not all about you, which for me was a hard concept to grasp. It's about making your significant other happy, because in the end, isn't that what makes you happy? I also learned that jealousy is a dumb feeling. We wasted so many nights that could have been great fighting over his friend or my friend, who, in the end, caused us so much misery that wasn't necessary. I promised myself that I would never let something like that get in the way of a relationship ever again. How stupid to waste time being mad and upset..over people that meant nothing compared to him! I was going to focus on being happy-on the good parts of a relationship. Now I'm back to square one. yay.

I have seen girls and guys in relationships that will tell their significant other something totally ridiculous in hopes of making them jealous. Which in my opinion will only push people away. When I get the jealous feeling, the last thing I want to do is get more attached to someone. If I don't trust them enough to have a friend of the opposite sex, what hope is there? Everyone gets jealous but when it causes fight after fight, nothing is ever going to change. I can't help the way I feel- trust me- I've tried. I guess that trust and honesty just have to be established before anything can begin. Without those two things...what do you have?

Maybe once you get burned, it takes a lot to forget about that. Like many, I've been burned hardcore by relationships. I've been lied to, cheated on, and treated like crap. But does that give me the excuse to not trust any guy that I meet? Of course not.

But then again, you can't just tell yourself which feelings to have...they just sort of...happen.

2 comments:

Lauren Rice said...

So legit. I am the exact same way. After being lied to and cheated on its hard to trust anyone again. But it doesn't seem fair to let one person's behavior determine how I judge all guys...There really are nice guys out there who we don't have to worry about this kind of stuff with...we just haven't met them yet, haha.

Amanda said...

Jill, I loved reading this and I love you. :) Why are you so wise??