Sunday, June 28, 2009

Such a great night!

Last night I went to the Tickle Me Pink/ I Hate Kate concert with my friends from high school! It was sooo fun! I can honestly say it was one of the best nights of the summer. I love being around Jessica-my bestie from high school. She just GETS me. She knows my secrets, my deepest thoughts, my past, and the way I think. She's ambitious just like me. And is a total feminist. (or at least I think so). We just get along so well....we're A LOT alike. I love that she basically thinks JUST like me. Something can happen and we will both have the same mindset. We spent the majority of the time I've been in Colorado having deep talks, going out, and most of all-laughing. My abs have gotten SUCH a work out this weekend!

Then Tickle Me Pick came on. Gosh men who are in bands just attract me. I swear, they are sooo dang sexy! Here's some pics of my amazing night!

I Hate Kate was awesome! I love them. Here's a song, called "I'm in Love with a Sociopath"

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Sometimes, you just need words.

I realized something today:

I'm going to be fine! Just fine! I read this quote:

After a while you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul, and you learn that love doesn't mean leaning and company doesn't mean security, and you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts and presents aren't promises, and you begin to accept your defeats with your head up and your eyes open, with the grace of an adult, not the grief of a child, and you learn to build all your roads on today because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans. After a while you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much. So plant your own garden and decorate your own soul, instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers. And you learn that you really can endure... that you really are strong, and you really do have worth.

and this one:

As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let us down, probably will. You'll have your heart broken and you'll break others' hearts. You'll fight with your best friend or maybe even fall in love with them, and you'll cry because time is flying by. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, forgive freely, and love like you've never been hurt. Life comes with no guarantees, no time outs, no second chances. you just have to live life to the fullest, tell someone what they mean to you and tell someone off, speak out, dance in the pouring rain, hold someone's hand, comfort a friend, fall asleep watching the sun come up, stay up late, be a flirt, and smile until your face hurts. Don't be afraid to take chances or fall in love and most of all, live in the moment because every second you spend angry or upset is a second of happiness you can never get back.

and this one:

When it hurts to look back and you're scared to look ahead...
you can look beside you & your best friend will be there ((Thanks Molly))

and I feel so much better about everything.

(I got all of these off of

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Where's my magic 8 ball?

I wish that ol magic 8 ball really worked.

How simple life would be if the questions that keep us up at night could be answered with one simple shake of a ball.

For example, I'm spending thousands of dollars going to school, dedicating at least 4.5 years of my life, and I have no idea if marketing is what I will want to do with my life. And after all that work and money! If that magic 8 ball could just tell me-I'd feel a little better about what I was doing with my life.

I'm 19. My frontal cortex is still developing. I'm not the same person I will be in 2 years, let alone almost 5.

Then again many people say that it doesn't really matter what your degree is in-as long as you have one. But, what if I want to do something totally different and I lack the knowledge?

And what about the other probing questions that attack my mind at night?

You know, the ones about my own life. The questions that, if I ask my friends the answer to, they always replay, "it's up to you."

Yeah, what about those questions?

I guess that this life is what those questions are all about. Those decisions are the ones that make us or (b--r--e--a--k) us. They give us life experience and allow us to make mistakes and become who we are.

But sometimes....I just want an answer. I just want to know what will bring me the most happiness...what will benefit me in the future...which decision will make me the better person.

I guess I need to look into being a

Sunday, June 21, 2009

Roadside. Rise Against.

It's simple.

He's just not that into you if he's telling you he doesn't want to be with you. That's an easy one...right?

Saturday, June 20, 2009

I'm too dazed and confused.

I have no idea what I'm going to do.

I'm shaking.

How did it come to this?

I want to hold on.

But I know I can't.

For some reason, letting go isn't coming as easily as it usually does.

Thursday, June 18, 2009


^^ At the moment, this is how I look, exactly. Almost to a tee ^^

I forgot how awful it was to be sick. It's been awhile since I've been stay-in-bed-constant-ill feeling-sick. And let me tell you, I could have done without being reminded what it was like.

Having the flu is the worst thing EVER. I feel so sick and I can't do anything! It's ridiculous! When I want to do homework, all I can think about is how awful I feel. I can't enjoy movies or shows because I feel so blahhh. I just hate it.

I have my math final on Wed, so right now is the WORST time to feel sick! Annnd I had to leave work early because I was so sick, something I hate doing. I'm a poor college student! I need those hours. grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

The thing that hit me the hardest was how much being sick made me miss my mom. Currently, she is trail riding with my horse in the mountains. And I'm stuck here...on my couch...watching Law and Order...sick as hell!

Hope this flu is the 24 hour kind...that would just be wonderful!

Sunday, June 14, 2009

Pro-Choice or Pro-Life? Black or White? This or That?

Abortion is an interesting topic. Pro-Choice. Pro-Life. Black or White. This or That.

This is an issue I have been very hesitant to take a stand on. To start off, if a women is sexually active, which is her choice obviously, contraception should be used to prevent unwanted pregnancy. There are numerous methods that women are able to use. I feel as if women were more educated, abortion wouldn't be as prevalent as it is today. Why focus on abortion when we could focus on giving more contraception to those who decide to be sexually active? More then half of all abortions are college aged women. On one hand, being a college age student I could totally see how a woman would be inclined to get an abortion. Heath insurance. Marriage. Schooling. Fear. Feelings of isolation and loneliness. Confusion. The father of the child. Parents. Family.

At this point in life, I can't really persuade myself that I am an adult. After all, my parents pay for housing, gas, and my cell phone. In no way am I financially independent. In no way would I have the money or resources to have a child or let alone pay hosiptal and doctor bills.I am a full time student and work 30 hours a week. I am in a sorority and active in my student government. Child care would be nearly impossible for me to juggle alone. I have always dreamed of being an advertising agent. And it seems as if that dream would immediately die with a pregnancy. How would i be able to finish school in a timely manner, study abroad, and get my dream job with a child? College is supposed to be the most selfish time of your life- it is the time of self discovery. It is the first time you are away from home, your family, all past reputations you may have had. It is the time before you settle down with your serious boyfriend and decide to get married and/or work 40+ hours a week. This is the picture painted of a typical college student. Where oh where could you fit a child into all of that? Then there is the fact of the father-what if he's the kind of guy you don't want to be with forever? Having that child sticks you with him for 18+ years.

But something nags at me...I do believe in God. I believe in fate-that everything happens for a reason. I also have an adopted brother. When my mother couldn't get pregnant after 6 years, she opted for adoption. Soon after, Dayne was born and my mother couldn't be happier. Dayne is an amazing guy. He's served a mission in Eugine, OR, is an extremely talented artist, and is the funny one of the family. It has never felt as if he wasn't 100% a part of our family. I can't even imagine life without Dayne. It's always been me, him, and Drew. No matter what we go through in life, we all do it together. We are always there for each other. And, without the option of adoption, Dayne never would have entered and blessed our lives.

I feel as if adoption is a great thing. There is always a family who wishes to be blessed with a child. There is always a couple who can't have children, but would do anything to be able to. Usually in adoption, hospital and doctor bills are paid by the adoptive parents.

I learned early in high school that a fetus' heart starts beating 10 days after contraception. 10 days. Less then two weeks. A beating heart.

I've struggled with which side of this argument I agree with for for awhile. I know what my church and my family thinks-pro-life all the way, but I couldn't just take their side and not think for myself. I had to put myself in the position of those who have to make the decision. I had to sit and weigh all the possibilities, all the variables that go into it.

I do, however, find it a little selfish to get an abortion solely on the fact that enduring 9 months of embarrassment would be a hard ordeal. 9 months in the big picture, is hardly anything at all. Could one not endure the short 9 months for another potential human?

I think that many women don't feel as if they don't want to be a mother, but that they don't feel as if they will be a good mother. I think many also feel as if their future will be in jeopardy if they have a child. Going to college is a major step for a woman, it is a right that we fought hard to get, and a baby could jeopardize a woman's graduation if she decided to keep the baby. As students, we are juggling school, work, clubs, and a social life. Add a baby into the mix and it is nearly impossible. However, many women do it. I live in Utah and we as a state are known for young marriage. There are many women who have children and are going to college. However, they have husbands. They wanted a family. They knew what they were getting into. Many of them, drop out to stay home with their children, or at the very least, put their degree on hold.

There are those girls who do it. The strong women. The women who have children out of wedlock, get their degree, and enjoy the wonderful life as a mother. I have a friend, I'll call her Betsy. Betsy is 23, unmarried, and pregnant. She works 30 hours a week and is going to aesthetics school. Betsy is having her child, a baby girl who will be born in a short 5 months. Betsy works 9-4 and goes to school 5-8 every day. She is working hard to finish school before her baby is born. Although she isn't with her "baby daddy," he's still going to be in the child's life. And I know that Betsy is going to do fine on her own. She is the strongest women I know. And although she could complain, Betsy treks on. She has voiced her feelings of fear and concern, but she knows that life with her baby girl could never compete with any other feeling. Betsy is going to be an amazing mother.And I truly admire her, more then she will ever know.

Side note: I watched a Feminist For Life speech the other day, "Victory for Violence" in which the speaker said something that hit me "I know you're going through so much right now..and I know you're feeling despair and pain and loneliness. But I want you to know that no feeling will last forever. And abortion will."

I hate to say that I don't believe that abortion should be legal. I've heard the awful stories of women performing abortions with hangers and the danger they put themselves in. I hate to tell any women what they can or cannot do to their body. Margaret Sanger once said, "A woman's body belongs to herself alone. It is her body. It does not belong to the church. It does not belong to the United States" That is a powerful statement.

But I just can not convince myself that abortion is right. I can't believe for a second that the fetus inside a woman's body does not deserve to grow, to be born into this world, and to become a living human being.

I hate to make the choice for every women. I hate to tell women what they can and cannot do. I am all for women's rights. We have fought hard to be equals and although we still have a long way to go, we have accomplished a great deal as women.

I guess all I can say is I don't like abortion. I would never consider myself an advocate for abortion. I don't agree with it. But I am also not one who would tell other women what they can and cannot do with their bodies. I do agree with Sanger. A women's body is her own. But, I do think that women should consider the options heavily. They should put themselves in the fetus' position.

This speech was given by a member of Feminists For Life. I found it at and would like the share it with you. It does put things into perspective and certainly got me thinking of my own stance on the issue...

Time Traveler's Wife

I'm about to run to the library to check out this book.

Because the trailer for the movie looks so freaking cute.

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Not What I Expected.

I've never had a summer like this one. Nights filled with math problems, papers, and readings. Early mornings containing lectures and example problems. Work hours spent gazing outside wishing the sun's rays were hitting my own face.

Then again, summer school is kind of growing on me. Is that wrong or what?

I love the intimacy of the small classes-the dead campus. And of course-the under crowded math lab. I love the fact that everyone is dressed in summer clothes and biking/walking to and from class. I defiantly see more smiles then during the normal school year.

My math class is going good-which I am ecstatic to report! I'm actually grasping the concepts! Which, in part, may be the fact that i HAVE to get a B this semester...or maybe it's the fact that I have the greatest teacher ever...Molly!

I've been living in the apartments on campus with Molly, my PC08 Pi Phi sister...and it has been so much fun! We spend our nights doing homework (which, when together is actually not that bad), watching movies, and laughing for hours on end at the site and others. One night we watched 3 movies in a's the good life. I'm lucky that Molly is a math whiz. She has been SUCH a help with my algebra class. With her help, I've even managed to get a 85% on my first math quiz!

I'm in a gender and communication class which I absolutely LOVE. It's all about feminism. And you know me, just the word feminism gets me all hot and bothered. I'm sure soon enough you will hear me raving about all the new things I've learned. Oh, and the teacher-AMAZING. There is just such a difference when your professor LOVES what he teaches. When your professor has passion for the class. Ahhhh what could be better then a feminism class with a passionate teacher? Not much I tell you, not much!

 (((I saw this on a car while I was driving and LOVED it)))

I'm really excited that school is going so well. Hopefully by spring I will be able to apply for the business school. 

A few months back, I would have given an arm and leg to be done with school. But my summer classes have changed that for me. When I understand and start to like what I'm learning, school doesn't feel like a job anymore.

So, although my summer isn't very typical for a 19 year old, I don't think I would have it any other way.