I blog to get my feelings out. I blog to understand myself. My emotions can get a little crazy and confusing and at times-I'm unsure if I want to share them with the world. Then I remember why I started this blog-to figure out who I was & more importantly, who I wanted to become.
Isn't it funny that you plan out your future in your mind-a perfectly painted picture of what will happen in the next few years-then all the sudden, that picture is destroyed-in a matter of seconds?
I guess I should explain where I'm coming from. Remember that boy I was dating? James, yeah that was his name. I went to Baltimore to visit James & counted down the hours until his return to Utah.
Well, James did return. Things, however, just weren't the same. The sad part is there is no one to blame for our break up. I can't blame myself and I can't blame him. We just didn't "click" after he got back. We are such different people and tried to force something that clearly would never work.
I am actually relieved for things to be over. It was a lot of unnecessary pressure trying to make things click with us. I've had to devote a lot of my time to Pi Phi, work, and school and to be honest-I realized I don't have time for a boy. I had to re-evaluate my priority list and sadly, the boyf wasn't anywhere near the top of that list.
One thing that remains true with all guys I break up with is my list of qualities I need in a guy grows. With each relationship I discover the traits that I absolutely must have in the future Mister. I'm not one to settle, especially at my young age, so the creation and addition to this list is a must! With this relationship I recognized my need for support and understanding. I like to think of myself as an ambitious woman. I have a great deal of goals for myself and work hard to accomplish them. My job, my presidency within Pi Phi, my senior status at the university of utah in three years- All are things that I have dreamed for & worked towards for a long time. I need someone who will support me, especially in areas named above. I am busy-I won't deny that-but I am busy doing things I love, believe in, and have worked for. I need someone who understands that. Support & understanding...now added to the list of "musts" (I would show you this so called list, but a girl has to have some mystery...)
In addition to not "clicking" I realized that there are so many things I want to do and accomplish before I actually settle down. So, I sat down and made another list-
The To Do List Before I get my "Mrs. Degree":
1. Finish this term of presidency in Pi Beta Phi and perhaps run for another
2. Go study abroad in the summer of 2011-I'm thinking Italy or Germany
3. Get my degree in business marketing & pick up a minor (leadership? psychology? stats?)
4. Spend the rest of my college years with my friends-doing ridiculous and spontaneous things, because after college, those opportunities will be few
5. Figure out exactly who I am and what I want out of this life
6. Intern at an international marketing agency
7. Study for the GMAT & apply to graduate school somewhere awesome (East Coast perhaps?)
8. Attend a function for every sport at the U before I graduate (softball, soccer, hockey, etc.)
9. Learn to cook
10. Read the entire BOM
11. Go to an away football game for the U of U
12. Visit Vegas for my 21st and many more times after that
13. Take a photography class
14. Learn to save/budget money better
15. Get certified in scuba diving & travel somewhere I can use it
16. travel, travel, travel-take every opportunity to go somewhere new
In a way, everything worked out for the best. I'm only 20 years old. I have a lot of life to live and experience before marriage & a family. I want to have fun. I want to grow up. I want to have every college experience I can. & I don't want to miss out on opportunities that will uncover who I am and what I'm meant to do in this crazy, confusing world.
If you enjoyed this post check out "What's the Rush?"
7 comments:
oh jill, i love you dearly! i'm sorry about your break up, but in a way i'm not. i'm so happy you are figuring things out for yourself. can i please meet you in vegas for your 21st? yeah i'm married, plan on me dancing with you. and there is a Utah game here vs SDSU november 22nd i think. i'm going. i'd love for you to join me.
Most dudes are more trouble than they're worth. It's good that you're not settling!
Hi. Thanks. Very full post. You have a lot of life indeed, lol. I love when a person has substantial goals. And I do hope those goals will be buffed (some added or taken away depending on your growth)as time goes by.
Best wishes,
O.F.C.J. ;)
Your list is great! And yes, I feel you on the whole dump a guy--and all the sudden your standards go way up!
I literally kept a list in my bible of the traits I was looking for in a man. I forgot about it and after I was engaged I found it! My fiance fit everything! (Phew!) And not only that, I had written it on OBU stationary...which is where he had graduated! :) Keep those standards high, they will pay off in the end!
Sooo much love for this post. So much. First of all, I'm sorry about the breakup!
BUT. I think your point of view is just amazing. I love your list of things to do before you become a Mrs. I think it's great not to rush into marriage. I always feel like an outcast in the Mormon world- my boyfriend and I have been dating a year and a half.. we just don't see what the rush is.
It's so refreshing to read about a woman who knows exactly what she wants and won't settle for less. You sound like your head is in the righ place. There are plenty of men out there and with an attitude like yours you could clearly have your pick! Love your blog!
lindseyl0ve.blogspot.com
Work that single-hood girl! What a fun life you lead :)
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