Friday, April 3, 2009

It REALLY is the way I wanna live.

My entire life I have always been a busy girl. If I'm not doing anything, I just feel worthless, useless, and unneeded, which often leads me to feeling depressed and sad. Throughout high school, I joined every club that remotely interested me. I tried to stay as busy as possible. I was president of numerous clubs, played high school sports, and was a social butterfly. I was so busy, I came home every night at around 9pm because I had so many meetings, competitions, etc.

When I came to college, I really didn't know what to do. I had so much down time that I felt restless and unsure about my life (my first post).

I don't know why I feel the need to make my life busy and hectic....but it's just what I've ALWAYS known. I find comfort in having a crazy, hectic life.

And now that I'm busy as ever, something strange has happened. I finally feel like my life is exactly how I want it. i want it busy. I want to feel important. I want to have a "to do" list four pages long. I finally feel like my life is normal again, something I have been searching for since I started college.

And maybe I took it a little far, but hey, this is what I like...don't ask me why.

I finally have a job! One that I absolutely LOVE! I work at a gym about 25 hours a week. I'm taking 15 credits. I just got elected as Vice President Fraternity Development in my sorority and on the assembly for student government.

The truth is, I'm pretty stressed out about my life right now. Initiation for our spring pledge class is in two weeks-and I'm in charge of planning the entire thing. Luckily I have an AMAZING committee. But to be honest, being stressed just feels NORMAL and RIGHT. (yeah, I totally sound like a crazy person here) but it's true. I can't remember my life ever being calm and unstressful...except at the start of college.

It's just how I like my life to be. It's how I feel worthwhile and like I'm making a difference. Because in the end, that's all I ever look for. I look to make a difference in the lives of others. I look to make the lives of others just a little bit better. My peers. My sorority sisters. My family. My friends. They've done so much for me and I care so much about each of them-it's really the least I can do.

Plus, I enjoy it all. The planning, the problem solving, the creativity, the STRESS.

1 comment:

Jordan Swan said...

I'm so proud of you Jill!