If you looked in my eyes lately, this quote would be screaming into your head.
The mood is still there, consuming me. I thought it would leave, as it often does. But this time this horrible, awful mood decided to stay a little longer. My stomach hurts constantly, tears come easily, everything seems a bit sadder then it should, and I don't smile like I used to.
Gosh...what is WRONG with me?
The battle is raging inside my head...the one where my head is yelling at me to do one thing, but my heart is fully disagreeing, telling me to do the opposite.
I hate this feeling, yet I constantly put myself in the position to feel this way.
And I have no clue which side to choose. I have no idea which choice will bring me happiness, which choice will return light into my eyes, my life.
I just hope I figure it all out soon because I'm having a really hard time dealing with it now.
When I have an intense feeling, I just feel the need to blog. It's my little way of getting the feeling out of my system. Look back at my previous blogs- angry, jealous, overjoyed, self-discovering-they all contain feelings I just needed to let loose.
This blog isn't such a happy read.
I'm just feeling a bit depressed lately. Perhaps it's because of the weather. It was so nice and sunny out, and all the sudden-BAM! it's snowing and gray outside.
I can't blame the entire mood on the weather-but it's a nice cop out. When you're feeling sad or depressed and the weather sucks, it's easy to say, "the weather is weighing down my mood!" but in reality, I feel there is always a deeper reason.
I have a lot to be happy about-A LOT. I just got a position on Pi Beta Phi and Student Government. I just got an AWESOME job at a gym-that I LOVE! I have amazing friends-sisters that would be there for my at ANY moment in time. A boyfriend who is so good to me always, who I can tell everything to, who understands, comforts, listens, and makes even the saddest moments/situations bearable. And my family...gosh...I can't even explain how thankful I am for them. My brother Drew is amazing. If I feel even a BIT of sadness, he's the ONLY one I can count on to bring my life back to where it normally is-filled with happiness. He's what I hope to be when I decide to "grow up" And my step brother Taylor just got back from his mission and it has been SO fun hanging out with him. Dayne is always a solid rock in my life. And Cassie-she's a riot. Blake-what an inspiration!! And the parents-we'll I've talked about them before-I wouldn't be where I am today without what they have done for me.
Now I feel like this blog is a waste, I have far too much to be happy about to be depressed/sad.
This song by Daniel Powter is how I feel/here is the music video..it's so cute/the lyrics are so true...
