The Dating Game: Types of Guys

The dating game...something we can ALL relate to. College is the greatest dating scene of all time...mainly because there are single males everywhere you look. Now, I've been the single girl for awhile...aren't you proud? In "Ending the Cycle" I described breaking the cycle of ALWAYS having a boyfriend. & here I am! Sure, I've met boys here and there but the inevitable always drives me away: I get bored. I don't know why this happens. But, it does. Perhaps my expectations are too high, but after 6 years of dating, I think they should be. I just need to find the type of guy that is for ME. It's not that I've stuck to one type of boy either. I've dabbled in all types, which is why I decided to put my experiences on paper (or on post rather)...

The Frat Boy:

Let me make a confession- I don't know one single person who I hang out on the regular who isn't Greek. Which in turn means, I've dated my fair share of frat boys.

Pros:

The Frat Boy knows how to have a good time and dull moments will be rare

All his friends are your friends

Double the formals & Date-nights

Frat parties are pretty fun.. especially if you have a fratslam

They love to be Greek just as much as I do & understand Greek Life

Cons:

Boys. That's exactly what they are. Men? Not even close

They believe they deserve more than one woman at all times (Dear Frat Boy, you're cool, but you aren't THAT freakin' cool)

Dates consist of hanging with his bros (can I call that a date?)

Their life revolves around three things: themselves, parties, their "bros"

The Hippie:

I wish I understood my attraction to hippie guys. Perhaps it's the way they go with the flow? For whatever reason, I have had my fair share of hippie phases (which my dad absolutely HATED)

Pros:

Great music, concerts, and dinner dates

Fights? Never. A hippie guy doesn't want to fight. It's all about the love.

All the hippies I have dated shower me with compliments...all.the.time.

Cons:

Those dreds have to go (ugh.)

The ponchos need to go also (if the hippie had a fashion sense, I'd be all over that)

So.Many.DRUGS. (seriously? Can you be sober for like....ten seconds?)

The Mormon:

The University of Utah has three types of guys: RMs (50%), Married (35%), Other (15%)...which means...the Mormon guy is EVERYWHERE...

Pros:

They won't be dating a million girls...only you (cough...frat boy)

These boys are so sweet & nice

Many are Returned Missionaries..which means they have learned to live on their own & have tons of stories to tell

The best kind to take home to mom!

Cons:

Three months and you want to talk marriage? (See ya later...)

If I hear ONE more mission story....(10 stories in 30 minutes is a BIT much)

Favorite topic: The future!

The questions they ask on the first date: "how many kids do you want?" "where do you see yourself in 5 years?" "Why did you and your last bf break up?" (SERIOUSLY?)

They are pretty behind in their education (they did serve a mission for 2 years)

The Athlete:

I'm a sucker for a good bod and a passion for working out. Who isn't?

Pros:

Did I mention their amazing bodies?

Active fun dates: running, batting cages, soccer, going to the gym

They aren't texting you every second of everyday (hello..they have practice, games, & working out to do)

Watching your man play a professional sport? HOT.AS.HELL.

Cons:

The Athlete is gone A LOT during the season (although I would count this as a pro as well...)

Groupies? MANY.

He expects you to understand the game, rules, standings, etc. (No...I didn't see the game. Gossip Girl was on...sorry!)

Location. They move around a lot which means you aren't driving distance away (again, I could use this as a pro)

You won't be his top priority. (yet, this passion for the game is a turn on for me...)

The Law/Med School Student:

I've only dated two of these in my life...so this description may not be accurate. I'll go from personal experience..

Pro:

He's smart which means he has a bright future

Need help with your homework? BINGO

He doesn't have too much time, so when he does it makes it count (awesome dates/conversation)

Cons:

Busy, Busy, Busy

Some of these guys think they are smarter than you...hey I don't care what salt is made of?! k?

They are stressed out a lot

The guys I have dated lack humor (DEAL BREAKER)

The Older Guy:

I've only dated one guy younger than me (he was a hippie...sigh) other than that I date guys older than me. I dated one guy 13 years older than me (I was 18, he was 30), which even now I cannot believe I did. Since John (name has been changed) I've dated a few guys 5-10 years older than me. But I'm a huge fan. Here's why...

Pros:

This guy has an established career, home, etc. and knows what he wants in life.

BEST DATES EVER (I'm not even kidding. This guy knows where to take you to have a good time)

The conversation is intelligent, interesting, and REAL (the other guys have yet to develop this quality)

They are gentlemen (generous, courteous, caring...heck they even open doors!) Chivalry is not dead for this type

Cons:

When you were in middle school...he was in college...weird (I just don't think about it)

The generation gap can get you a bit (What do you mean you don't know what Twitter is?)

They get serious pretty fast (Not as bad as the Mormon Guy however..)

You may feel a bit unsuccessful compared to them (hello! you are!) which can be a bit disheartening (I'm used to being way more successful than the boys I date)

The Metro Guy:

He takes 30 minutes longer than you to get ready. And those shoes? Fabulous! I don't have too many Pros about this type...but I'll try to squeeze some out...

Pros:

Their sense of humor is pretty girly also (which is fun because it's like that of your girlfrineds!)

Shopping with the boyfriend just got a whole lot better!

Cons:

Seriously...your outfit is better than mine. Ew.

I don't even pluck my eyebrows....and he does.....

I like manly men. I hate feeling like I'm dating a chick

Tanning (SERIOUSLY?) tanning???

You can't wear sweats with no make-up when you run to the store with him. When is it ever okay for the guy to look better than me? NEVER.

Please see description above in picture!!! (hahahaha)

What I've learned from these many, many failed "relationships" is that my perfect guy is a bit of all of the above (okay the metro can be thrown out. I like my men manly....). Thank goodness I have many years to continue the search (Hey! I'm only 21!!)

What do you think? I know I missed a few...fill me in!

Ending the Cycle

I expected my life to calm down a little bit after Greek Recruitment....

it didn't.

Don't get me wrong. My life is crazy busy, but I like it that way. I feel accomplished. This life of mine is quite rewarding. But I can't dismiss the fact that I don't have time to spend hours upon hours with my friends, to hit the gym daily, or to be on the look out for a new man.

But perhaps the latter is a good thing. It's been quite awhile since I've been single. Like, years....YEARS. I swear I've had a boyfriend since I was 15. I'm one of THOSE girls...you know...the type that once she breaks up with one boy is dating another within weeks.

&& it's time to break that cycle.

As tempting as it is to fall into the arms of some boy as desperate as I for a relationship, I need to learn to be alone. Live life for me and not to please another. This concept is one that I obviously don't understand.

Which makes me wonder...why am I one of those girls who always has to be dating someone? Now that I think about it, I almost feel pathetic. I don't need some boy to make me happy.

So, here goes...it's only week 2 of being single. Let's see how long I can hold out. I think the longer I do, the happier I will be. It will give me time to discover myself. To focus on my goals, aspirations, and what I want in my future. I'm done dating randoms just because I want a boyf. So here's to new beginnings-the beginning of being completely independent & the end of the "I always have to have a boyfriend" cycle.

Wow, that was a random tangent. When I started this post that's not where I was going at all. That's what blogging does to me-it brings out the things most on my mind, so deeply embedded I hardly know they are there. Which is exactly why I love blogging so very much.

Side Note: I'm Single

I blog to get my feelings out. I blog to understand myself. My emotions can get a little crazy and confusing and at times-I'm unsure if I want to share them with the world. Then I remember why I started this blog-to figure out who I was & more importantly, who I wanted to become.

Isn't it funny that you plan out your future in your mind-a perfectly painted picture of what will happen in the next few years-then all the sudden, that picture is destroyed-in a matter of seconds?

I guess I should explain where I'm coming from. Remember that boy I was dating? James, yeah that was his name. I went to Baltimore to visit James & counted down the hours until his return to Utah.

Well, James did return. Things, however, just weren't the same. The sad part is there is no one to blame for our break up. I can't blame myself and I can't blame him. We just didn't "click" after he got back. We are such different people and tried to force something that clearly would never work.

I am actually relieved for things to be over. It was a lot of unnecessary pressure trying to make things click with us. I've had to devote a lot of my time to Pi Phi, work, and school and to be honest-I realized I don't have time for a boy. I had to re-evaluate my priority list and sadly, the boyf wasn't anywhere near the top of that list.

One thing that remains true with all guys I break up with is my list of qualities I need in a guy grows. With each relationship I discover the traits that I absolutely must have in the future Mister. I'm not one to settle, especially at my young age, so the creation and addition to this list is a must! With this relationship I recognized my need for support and understanding. I like to think of myself as an ambitious woman. I have a great deal of goals for myself and work hard to accomplish them. My job, my presidency within Pi Phi, my senior status at the university of utah in three years- All are things that I have dreamed for & worked towards for a long time. I need someone who will support me, especially in areas named above. I am busy-I won't deny that-but I am busy doing things I love, believe in, and have worked for. I need someone who understands that. Support & understanding...now added to the list of "musts" (I would show you this so called list, but a girl has to have some mystery...)

In addition to not "clicking" I realized that there are so many things I want to do and accomplish before I actually settle down. So, I sat down and made another list-

The To Do List Before I get my "Mrs. Degree":

1. Finish this term of presidency in Pi Beta Phi and perhaps run for another

2. Go study abroad in the summer of 2011-I'm thinking Italy or Germany

3. Get my degree in business marketing & pick up a minor (leadership? psychology? stats?)

4. Spend the rest of my college years with my friends-doing ridiculous and spontaneous things, because after college, those opportunities will be few

5. Figure out exactly who I am and what I want out of this life

6. Intern at an international marketing agency

7. Study for the GMAT & apply to graduate school somewhere awesome (East Coast perhaps?)

8. Attend a function for every sport at the U before I graduate (softball, soccer, hockey, etc.)

9. Learn to cook

10. Read the entire BOM

11. Go to an away football game for the U of U

12. Visit Vegas for my 21st and many more times after that

13. Take a photography class

14. Learn to save/budget money better

15. Get certified in scuba diving & travel somewhere I can use it

16. travel, travel, travel-take every opportunity to go somewhere new

In a way, everything worked out for the best. I'm only 20 years old. I have a lot of life to live and experience before marriage & a family. I want to have fun. I want to grow up. I want to have every college experience I can. & I don't want to miss out on opportunities that will uncover who I am and what I'm meant to do in this crazy, confusing world.

If you enjoyed this post check out "What's the Rush?"

A wise woman once said...

"I'm looking for love. Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can't-live-without-each-other love"

-Carrie Bradshaw

Baltimore

Visiting James this weekend in Baltimore was Amazing! I had so much fun! On Sunday we went to Washington, D.C. to see all the sights! As promised, here are pictures from my trip!

Our drive in...

Tomb of the Unknown Soldier! It was so cool! Every move was down to a Tee. As you can see, they have walked it so many times that the concrete is worn where they step. They do a solute every 30 minutes for an unknown soldier. We saw pictures of them doing this same ceremony in the 1950's...and they are still going strong!

This was my favorite! Abe was WAY bigger then I thought he would be!

Arlington Cemetery. It was sad to see how many people died at war. So many lost there lives for our freedom. It really makes you appreciate just what we have...

Washington Memorial. it was awesome! I just wonder WHY? why build it? It looks like it took FOREVER. and really, what's the point? I guess it looks cool...

Abe!

JFK Grave @ Arlington Cemetery

Last we went to the Holocaust Museum. It was so sad. I was literally depressed. The Jews went through so much! I can't believe some of the things they did to those people. Especially the medical experiments. Those were the worst! It was interesting to see how Hitler rose to power. After we left I told James we had to do something happy....so we got Molten Chocolate Cake at Chilis! :)

I am the saddest girl to be back in Utah. It was so nice to get away, relax, see the sights, and hang out with the boy. I couldn't have asked for a better weekend. It was absolutely perfect.

& I'm ready to be in Baltimore again. It's only been one day. boo!

The Perfect Saturday

I've literally been relaxing all day. I'm currently in Baltimore, MD visiting James. During the day, he sells APX and I get the whole day to myself. It's been quite wonderful actually. My day went as follows:

8:00am Woke up & made pancakes
9:00am Went back to bed
1:00pm Woke up
1:15pm Met Kayli (James' sister-in-law) at the pool
4:00pm Left the pool
4:30pm Took a nap
6:00pm Woke up and took my online accounting test.

Pure perfection. After the stressful summer, this trip is just what I needed. I may never go back!

Tomorrow we are going to D.C. to see all of the museums/monuments/awesome-ness.

Pictures to come!

Simple. Honest.

Props to Le Love.

The Past Three Months.

I really have no idea where to start. I haven't blogged in forever. Normally, I would have nothing to report-my life is pretty repetitive...school, work, pi phi...end of story. But for some reason these last three months have been dramatic. Dramatic in the sense that my life has done a complete 180. I doubt any truth still holds to my previous posts.

So, where to start?

I guess I'll start at the beginning...the beginning of it all.

I went to Cabo with friends for Spring Break...which feels like FOREVER ago..probably because it was. It was literally the BEST vacation I have ever been on. I am OBSESSED with Cabo. I plan on going back every year until I die...it was THAT fun. I even met Pi Phis from CU!

Vacation ended and sadly, I was back to reality. At this time, so many huge events occurred at once...

I broke up with Scott

I became Chapter President of Pi Beta Phi

I took my finals & passed my classes

I realized what I wanted out of life

I started summer school

I moved out of Pi Phi and into an apartment with Molly

Ok, so I guess a few things did stay the same. I'm still in school, still working, and still obsessed with Pi Phi. But, a lot of major events have occurred.

It's shocking to me how insanely happy I am. I've changed a great deal in these past few months. I feel like a whole different person. I promise to keep you up to date, little blog. Just know that I'm happier now than I have ever been. I can't wait to see what life has in store for me.

Here's a look at what else I've been up to (in no order...)

My boss hooked me up with Jazz tickets. Me & Molly enjoyed seeing the Lakers! We even met up with Ali (Pi Phi Alum).

We played powderpuff for a sisterhood! I was on the winning team...no big deal..

I went to Colorado && saw my BFF Jessica! Had the BEST weekend! I really do love & adore Jessica. She's more a soul mate than a best friend. We are SO alike it's insane. Our lives are parallel. I love having someone like her who seems to ALWAYS be going through the exact same things I am.

AJ got MARRIED!!! I'm so happy for her! She was a GORGEOUS bride <3

I went to Colo and waterskiied....in a wetsuit...in JUNE!

We had Greek Week at the U...and Pi Phi took SECOND! :D

Pi Phi Formal was insane & so much fun!! It was at the Raddison Hotel. I love seeing everyone dressed up. It was such a fun night! Leia did SUCH a good job planning it!

Aj had her bridal shower...where we made her a dress from tissue paper! Impressive..eh?

My besties!!!

Dad came into town for Parent's Weekend at Pi Phi! We played Poker & Blackjack & Roulette. It was so much fun!

Mom came to Pi Phi for Parent's Weekend. We had a delicious brunch!

Dad & me @ Pi Phi. I have the best dad in the whole world!

I met a boy named James...&& we went to some Jazz games! (thanks again to the boss!!)

My life, in short, has taken quite the turn. I'm excited to see what life brings next. Although, with all the good news and wonderful things that have happened, something bad is bound to happen. Let's just hope it's not for a long, long time!

Dealing.

I would much rather forget about issues then talk them out for hours on end. I enjoy thinking of happiness rather then dwelling on things that upset me. I feel like every moment wasted being upset is a moment you can't take back. It's moments when I could have been happy, if I just would have changed my thought process.

I hate fighting. I don't know why it bothers me so much. I don't know why I would rather forgive and forget quickly rather then talking out things.

For some people, this is an issue. When we get in an argument, some want to talk it out until all feelings and thoughts are laid out on the table. Others share my mindset-let's forget about it and move on.

I don't really know which way of dealing with problems is better. Some may say that by "forgetting" you're just bottling up your harsh feelings-which, at any moment-could explode! But in all honesty, I don't really feel that way. I don't feel like the anger and fights that I've left unsaid are just sitting, boiling, waiting for the right moment to all pop out at once.

I just feel like if it's not a HUGE LIFE ALTERING fight, it's not really worth having. I would rather just forget about it, accept that people make mistakes and move on to the happiness.

I'm not saying that I don't mention when something bothers me. If you don't tell people that they are doing something that angers you, they will never know. I tell people when they are doing something upsetting, but once I say it, it's over. It's not like I need to dwell on it. It's not like I need to talk about their thought process in making the decision that hurt me.

I guess I'm just striving for the same thing as everyone else in this world-happiness.

"If this is what he wants, and this is what she wants, why is there so much pain? " Blink 182 'Stay Together for the Kids'

"It won't stop if they don't stop yelling. It's not they way of working your problems out. I can't stand being around this yelling so I'm finding my way out." Plain White T's 'Breakdown'

He's Just Not That Into You.

I read the book awhile back when I first moved to Utah. At first, I almost lived by the lessons it shared. The basic advice it gave is that if a guy isn't calling you, he doesn't want to. If he doesn't ask you out, he doesn't like you. If he doesn't want to be in a relationship, he doesn't want to be in a relationship with you. If he doesn't want to get married, he doesn't want to marry you. At first I obsessed over this book, thinking wow! It's so straightforward! How can girls be this dumb? But when I sat down and thought about it, the book is basically saying 1. Don't ask for a guy's number, if he wants it, he'll get it. 2. Don't call a guy 3. If a guy doesn't know if he wants to date me, I need to find someone who does. Now, I might be somewhat of a feminist but these rules are a little ridiculous. If I want to call a guy, I'm going to call him. If I want his number, I'll get it. I don't understand why the guy is still the only one who can be responsible for this. It's not the olden days!!

I realize that this is a dating book, so from there I should have known it would put down our gender a tad bit; because women, in general are seen as clingy and needy and this book certiantly didn't disagree with that. Which is BS. We do live in the 21st century. We're equal. So why not in the dating world? I have numerous friends who get upset over guys because they hooked up with someone else or they ignored their phone calls, when all they really had to do was clear up the murky water. If you want him to be your boyfriend, ask him. If not, he's not going to act like one. Guys can't read minds. As a woman, this would be the perfect solution to the dating world. However, they can't. And I feel like girls get too scared to tell guys how they feel for fear of being "clingy" or "needy" In the end, a lot is left unsaid and unknown.

When I saw the movie, it made me more sad then anything. I realize that taking an advice book and turning it into a movie isn't something that is easy to do. For that, I give the movie props. It was pretty good. The theater was packed full of women and their girlfriends, all hoping to understand the male brain. The friend I went with looked at me and stated, "This is going to open my eyes."

The movie brought me sadness because it was the story of different relationships, all containing guys that are obviously screwing over their girlfriends. One girl can't get the guys she meets to call her. Another is cheating on his wife with a young, cute singer. Another dates through technology (texting, myspace, etc) and doesn't even meet the men face to face. In all of these situations I feel like girls would be able to tell how screwed over they are getting. The saddest one was defiantly the marriage one. When he told his wife he had slept with someone else, she tried everything to make their marriage work and did he stop? no.

I guess we are all programed to believe that when someone tells us something they are being honest. To me, the movie just proved how much lieing can be involved in dating. If people were just honest with their significant other, how many problems would there really be? If a guy just didn't get your number, you wouldn't be wondering why he wasn't calling. If he told you he didn't want to date you, there would be no other questions.

What bothered me about this movie was that it makes the girls look like the fools. He's not calling you, he doesn't like you...duh! News flash: DON'T ASK FOR THE FREAKIN' NUMBER.

I guess i got off on a rant here but I'm just tired of our gender being balmed for the reason relationships don't work out. We're too needy. We're too clingy. If you ask me, more guys then not that I have dated have been the emotional and clingy ones. At times, I feel like I'm the guy in the relationship. The reason I feel that way? Because society has told us that women are the emotional ones, the ones that get attached easily and need a guy all the time.

No. This is 2009. We can take care of ourselves. We don't need false hope that you're going to call us back or date us. We're focused on our careers and schooling. Not on getting a boyfriend.

Jealousy.

Jeal-ous

-adjective

feeling of resentment against someone because of that person's rivalry, success, or advantages.

I'm not usually a jealous person. But sometimes, the evil green monster gets ahold of me. But then it gets me to thinking, why are we jealous? When I say jealous, I'm not usually talking about being jealous because of someone's success. It's hard for me to feel any sort of resentment to one who has worked hard to obtain a goal that they have had, even if I may have had to same goal in mind.

No.

The time of jealousy that usually gets me is with guys. I don't know why it happens. If you're dating someone, obviously they want to be with you, not some other girl. On the flip side, I often find it annoying and dumb when a guy gets jealous over someone who is clearly a friend. It sounds like a double standard...I know.

So, it got me thinking....If I have a friend that is just a friend...why can't I accept the same for someone else? Is it trust issues? Is it the fact that I feel threatened because of someone else?

I did date a guy once, for a long time, and I what I learned from the 3 year relationship is not to be so selfish. It's not all about you, which for me was a hard concept to grasp. It's about making your significant other happy, because in the end, isn't that what makes you happy? I also learned that jealousy is a dumb feeling. We wasted so many nights that could have been great fighting over his friend or my friend, who, in the end, caused us so much misery that wasn't necessary. I promised myself that I would never let something like that get in the way of a relationship ever again. How stupid to waste time being mad and upset..over people that meant nothing compared to him! I was going to focus on being happy-on the good parts of a relationship. Now I'm back to square one. yay.

I have seen girls and guys in relationships that will tell their significant other something totally ridiculous in hopes of making them jealous. Which in my opinion will only push people away. When I get the jealous feeling, the last thing I want to do is get more attached to someone. If I don't trust them enough to have a friend of the opposite sex, what hope is there? Everyone gets jealous but when it causes fight after fight, nothing is ever going to change. I can't help the way I feel- trust me- I've tried. I guess that trust and honesty just have to be established before anything can begin. Without those two things...what do you have?

Maybe once you get burned, it takes a lot to forget about that. Like many, I've been burned hardcore by relationships. I've been lied to, cheated on, and treated like crap. But does that give me the excuse to not trust any guy that I meet? Of course not.

But then again, you can't just tell yourself which feelings to have...they just sort of...happen.