21 and Invincible

I'm officially 21. I admit I had been counting down the days for months. 21 seemed so exciting...so different than my young 20 year old self.

I've been 21 for a little over a week. It's a bit odd...I was so excited for this age and now that I can finally claim 21...i just feel old. What age is exciting after 21? None! Dangit!

For my birthday a couple friends and I went to Vegas. It was a BLAST. I even won $60 on the roulette table! (my secret? always bet even....always!)

With the 21 and one week blues, I wanted to reflect a bit on the past year of my life.

One thing I learned...

Life doesn't always go as planned. You can't expect your five year plan to work out exactly as you see it in your mind. People change, you change. It's all for the best though. If it doesn't work out it wasn't meant to be and there is a much better option for you out there. I learned that I have to have faith in destiny. The only thing you can do is be YOURSELF and not change for anyone. That's the only way you'll be happy in life.

Favorite Memory...

My niece Emilee was born. She is such a light in my life. The little thing is so darn cute! I am so glad I have been able to be with her from birth. My sister is such a great mother & amazing role model!

Greatest Accomplishment...

Becoming president of my sorority, Pi Beta Phi. The organization means more to me than I could explain. It has molded me into a woman I am proud of. It has brought the most intelligent, fun, and loyal women into my life. It is an organization that will always be there-through the thick and thin-even after college life.

This is going to be a great year! I am, after all, 21 and invincible.

What's the rush?

I wish I had something more to blog about than my future. Honestly, why do I always come back to this topic? I'm continually worried about life after college.

However, I did realize something the other day...

I should be enjoying every second of my current life. My roommate Molly and I came to a serious realization. After college...what is there? Work? Responsibility? ew.

No longer will my sole focus be me. Currently, I'm surrounded by my best friends. My days don't even begin until 11am. I have no one to answer to. I have a cook & maids. My biggest responsibility is getting my homework done. If I want to travel, I can. (Vegas, Cabo, etc) If I want to sit on the couch all day, I can. I don't pay for my gas. or my phone. I don't have a mortgage or student loans. Now is really the only time I can be selfish and direct my energy to my own passions. Pi Phi, skiing, golfing, learning, whatever I want.

Why do I feel so rushed to grow up? Why all this anxiety about the rest of my life?

I think starting now, I'm going to stop rushing and just start enjoying.

I don't mean this in a sense that I'm going to give up on my ambitions or what I want out of life. What I really mean is I'm going to stop worrying. I'm going to stop planning so much. I'm going to enjoy the ride and see where life takes me.

After all, I'm not going to get any younger. and life isn't ever going to be this fun.

If you need anymore proof of the statements above, ask me about my trip to Vegas last weekend. I saw Daniel Tosh from Tosh.0. I went to the clubs. I ate out. I was even invited to LeBron James' VIP lounge at the nightclub TAO. I honestly, truly do not think one person should have as much fun as I did.

I need to embrace my 20's & stop rushing into adulthood.

Because I can tell already that being "grown up" is overrated.

Childhood in the 90s.

I tend to dwell on the days of simplicity. The days when I spent all day at the pool, eating otter pops, and riding my bike around the neighborhood. The days I didn't have to worry about tomorrow...next month...or next year. I loved my childhood. And boy, do I miss it! I don't know why growing up seems so appealing...it really is overrated. I have many things to thank because of my awesome childhood...Ten toys/games come to mind when I reminisce on those good ol' days.

The Furby. Me and my sister both had one. We loved them! We took them everywhere-and I mean everywhere. I really do admire our parents for putting up with us-especially on road trips. Our Furbies would talk to each other and everything. I'm sure they got annoying. You would push their tongue to feed them. Sometimes late at night, our Furbies would randomly start chatting away. I'm surprised it didn't creep me out!

Ahhh. Giga Pets. In third grade I had about 5 of them. Someones would always go off in class...their pet would be hungry or need to be walked. Pretty soon the school banned us from having giga pets in the classrooms. Fun Ruin-ers.

My iPhone has about 15 games loaded onto it. Complete with color and touch screen. I even have The Sims 3 on it...but remember the days of snake? I could play this game for hours! Then Snake 2 came out and you could go through the walls. I still think this game is one of the ultimate best. I wonder if they have an app for that...

Napster. Enough said.

Polly Pocket! I'm sure I lost these little dolls all the time. They are so small! What a great idea tho...A house and dolls that fit in the palm of your hand. Oh I loved my pink Polly Pocket

BEENIE BABIES. Any store we went to i BEGGED my mom to buy me one. And of course they were sold in EVERY store imaginable. I had countless beenie babies...and was always sure they would be worth thousands one day. The bears were the best. I don't know where my collection went....but I sure am glad that obsession is over.

Please tell me you had the shoes with roller skates in them? Haha. Thinking back, this invention is hilarious. I remember kids skating down the hallways because they didn't want to walk. I loved my roller skate shoes. They were blue. When this obsession started, I despised anything with carpet! It ruined my style!

Jellies. So comfy. And they went with EVERYTHING. Too bad they broke so easily. And you could feel EVERYTHING you walked on. The rocks in my driveway? OUCH!

POGS. POGS. POGS. Me, my brothers, and my friends spent countless hours with Pogs. Playing them, trading them, buying them. I always liked when you played "for keeps" and got to keep the Pogs that flipped over. Then there were the Smashers. I had a black butterfly smasher and it lit up when it "smashed". It was awesome. I wish Pogs were still cool. I would def be playing. This game is timeless...

Paperboy! I loved playing this on my dad's computer. Recently, I got the game for my iPhone, but it isn't nearly as cool. You had to deliver papers and if you threw it at the wrong time you would break a window. Plus you had to dodge oncoming traffic!

Rethink Possible.

I love this.

The Past Three Months.

I really have no idea where to start. I haven't blogged in forever. Normally, I would have nothing to report-my life is pretty repetitive...school, work, pi phi...end of story. But for some reason these last three months have been dramatic. Dramatic in the sense that my life has done a complete 180. I doubt any truth still holds to my previous posts.

So, where to start?

I guess I'll start at the beginning...the beginning of it all.

I went to Cabo with friends for Spring Break...which feels like FOREVER ago..probably because it was. It was literally the BEST vacation I have ever been on. I am OBSESSED with Cabo. I plan on going back every year until I die...it was THAT fun. I even met Pi Phis from CU!

Vacation ended and sadly, I was back to reality. At this time, so many huge events occurred at once...

I broke up with Scott

I became Chapter President of Pi Beta Phi

I took my finals & passed my classes

I realized what I wanted out of life

I started summer school

I moved out of Pi Phi and into an apartment with Molly

Ok, so I guess a few things did stay the same. I'm still in school, still working, and still obsessed with Pi Phi. But, a lot of major events have occurred.

It's shocking to me how insanely happy I am. I've changed a great deal in these past few months. I feel like a whole different person. I promise to keep you up to date, little blog. Just know that I'm happier now than I have ever been. I can't wait to see what life has in store for me.

Here's a look at what else I've been up to (in no order...)

My boss hooked me up with Jazz tickets. Me & Molly enjoyed seeing the Lakers! We even met up with Ali (Pi Phi Alum).

We played powderpuff for a sisterhood! I was on the winning team...no big deal..

I went to Colorado && saw my BFF Jessica! Had the BEST weekend! I really do love & adore Jessica. She's more a soul mate than a best friend. We are SO alike it's insane. Our lives are parallel. I love having someone like her who seems to ALWAYS be going through the exact same things I am.

AJ got MARRIED!!! I'm so happy for her! She was a GORGEOUS bride <3

I went to Colo and waterskiied....in a wetsuit...in JUNE!

We had Greek Week at the U...and Pi Phi took SECOND! :D

Pi Phi Formal was insane & so much fun!! It was at the Raddison Hotel. I love seeing everyone dressed up. It was such a fun night! Leia did SUCH a good job planning it!

Aj had her bridal shower...where we made her a dress from tissue paper! Impressive..eh?

My besties!!!

Dad came into town for Parent's Weekend at Pi Phi! We played Poker & Blackjack & Roulette. It was so much fun!

Mom came to Pi Phi for Parent's Weekend. We had a delicious brunch!

Dad & me @ Pi Phi. I have the best dad in the whole world!

I met a boy named James...&& we went to some Jazz games! (thanks again to the boss!!)

My life, in short, has taken quite the turn. I'm excited to see what life brings next. Although, with all the good news and wonderful things that have happened, something bad is bound to happen. Let's just hope it's not for a long, long time!

I wish it was...

24 Hours

24 hours.

That's all it took for my life to completely change. 1440 minutes and my life is so different I can't even explain it.

They are good changes though. Everything that is going on with me right now, in a heart beat, could make me so depressed that I could stay in bed for months, but for some reason I'm seeing it all as positive. I don't know why this is happening. I don't know why at this moment, I decide to be strong and in control. But, I guess your mind does things it has to to survive. I think I like this side of me, the side that turns a blind eye to the sad, negative side and focuses on the good. All my mind is thinking about is the amazing things this change could bring.

Although many posts have been written about my feelings of not wanting to grow up, I realize it is something that must happen. I am 20 years old. I guess I should start being mature? I should start being a real adult and stop acting like a teenager. Just a thought...

I feel like my life all the sudden decided to spring clean. It got rid of things that for some reason, I no longer need. The weird part is, I don't even feel like anything is missing. I look at the future and realize that at one point or another, this would have happened, why not now?

I feel anxious and excited. There are a lot of things changing and I know that it will not only enable me to grow up, but also become someone better. I'm actually relieved that all of this happened at once.

I'm seeing everything so clearly. My life can be so much better then it was before.

Sums 09 at an end?

It's hard to believe that summer is over. Partly because I feel like my summer never even happened. Summer school. Two words that should never be in the same sentence. But, I'm thankful I did it. I put away 9 credits. And my classes were some of the best I have taken at the U. But I didn't get to fully experience my first college summer. I didn't go on any awesome trips. I wrote papers and studied for tests.

Then again, how could I ever despise something that empowered me so much? Yet again, I'm rambling about my feminism class. Ahhh that amazing class. Hey everyone at the U! Take Communication and Gender 3070 from Nick Russel. best class ever. Seriously.

Okay, I'm done. For this post at least.

So much has happened this summer! Cassie is pregnant! My sister. 10 months older then me. The girl who I grew up with. I still remember getting all dressed up in crazy outfits, ringing the doorbell and pretending we were orphans to our parents (we were weird). And I remember getting in trouble with her. The kind where she lost her car for a month the DAY she got her licence. And when we stole the Subaru...the one that was a stick shift. We didn't know how to break. Or shift. Actually, we used the emergency brake when we wanted to stop. Oh gosh, those growing up times.

I can't believe she's gonna have one of her own. I'm so excited! It makes me feel SO OLD. ugh. I mean literally, she's less then a year older then me. And she's having kids. Insane! I can't wait to be an aunt. But, I think it will be a VERY long time until I'm having kids/getting married.

Summer. I don't even have awesome stories for the Sums of 2009. Depressing. I guess that means I'll be making up for that this fall. Which, BTW, I'm so excited about!

I MOVE INTO PI PHI IN 3 DAYS! YAYYYYYYYY! Living with about 18 of my closest girlfriends may sound like it will be dramatic and full of hell, but my thinking is quite the contrary. I'm so excited. Those girls have been with me through my entire crazy freshman year. They know things about me that most everyone doesn't. I have the BEST time with them. And I get to live with them! eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!

Looks like that will bring some interesting blog posts.

Get excited.

Adulthood?

It's been awhile...trust me, I know.

It's crazy how your life can change so dramatically so quickly. It's like one moment life is almost perfect, the only way you can describe it is the sight of a beach-perfect. Then, out of no where, a storm hits. The calm, beautiful beach is turned upside down.

Recently, this is my life. It's not a bad thing, it's just not perfect. Then again, life can't be going smoothly all the time...how boring would that be?

Now I'm just riding the waves, I know the storm is bound to blow over. It always does.

Currently, I'm in summer school. At the time, I thought it was an excellent idea! Taking credits-working towards my double major. But now, eh...I'm not so sure. I never expected the classes to be so difficult. I never knew that we would be going at such a high speed through the material. It's defiantly going to take everything I have to pass these classes this summer. I hope I'm ready for it.

I'm also working 30 hours a week. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE my job, it's just a bit overwhelming with the new school schedule. Again, it will all calm down once I'm used to it it's just going to take awhile. 

It's all because of one thing: adulthood. As a child, I really couldn't wait to grow up. I wanted it all-the fancy apartment. The cute, loving boyfriend. The friends. The freedom. 

Then I realized-having all of this doesn't change anything. All it is is added responsibility. More reasons to be let down. A bigger spectrum of disappointment. It's all a little overrated. The whole growing up thing. 

I wish I would have held on to my youth as tightly as I possibly could. I wish I hadn't tried to grow up so fast. I'm not saying I'm old, but I'm certainly not in high school. I have to pay bills, make decisions, and choose where I want to be in the future.

It's a big job. I never knew how hard it was.

I love this quote: "We're adults? When did this happen? And how do we make it stop?"

Then again, it's all part of life. Everything I have done and everything I have experienced has brought me to this point. And with all my heart, I could never wish that away. Every experience, every success, and every mistake has lead me to where I am today, to the person I have become. I wouldn't be me without growing up.

I don't know where I'm going with this or if I even had a point. You know me, when I blog random thoughts and theories just pop out. This is just one of those times.

Realization.

I can't believe the semester is almost over. I can't believe that I am almost done with my freshmen year. It seems so surreal. I feel like yesterday I was in orientation wondering how in the world I was ever going to remember how to get to all my classes.

This semester has been one heck of a ride. I've learned, listened, laughed, cried, yelled, jumped for joy, had happy times and sad times. As I look back, it hits me how fast time flies. We really have to make the most of the time we have here on Earth.

To be honest, even 8th grade doesn't sound like it was too long ago.

This year has been an amazing one and once it's officially over, I do plan on writing a HUGE blog about it, so prepare yourselves.

But for now, I'm still in shock that it's almost over. In a way, I'm trying to hang on to the end of this semester in every way that I can. I don't want to grow up so fast. Thinking of turning 20 next year is probably one of the most depressing thoughts ever. It seems so old to me. I still can't accept that I'm 19! And to be honest, on my 18th birthday I shed some tears. I had a feeling that becoming an "adult" meant I had to leave my youth and child likeness behind. That thought haunted me. I wanted to be 17 forever and to this day, it still seems like the perfect age to me.

It's all passing me by too fast. I often wonder if I'm making the most of my teenage years. With the end of these years so close, it's hard not to look back on the good, the bad, and the ugly. But it does help that I can look back and say that I was truly happy. I experienced things that many people will never have to experience. But those experiences made me strong. They made me truly appreciate the happy times. They made me who I am today. And for that and that alone, it was all worth it.